


nothing at all

by EtceterasEverywhere



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Dissociation, General Negative Thoughts, M/M, a bit? can't decide if it really is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26227159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtceterasEverywhere/pseuds/EtceterasEverywhere
Summary: Names, texts and foginess.Also called: *static noises* "Sorry, this is a bit of a sad one."
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	nothing at all

**Author's Note:**

> [listen to the title here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92Ra4vqc7oY)

It’s not raining outside.

It is cold though. It’s like the fog from outside is going through the small spaces between the windows and the walls. It’s entering the flat. It’s all around him and is breaking through the walls in his brain. 

He is not safe. 

The world is unfocused and the sounds coming from the TV are drowning him. He knows he put this random show on so he could have something in the background, more than the deafening silence of the absent rain. 

In days like this, he repeats his name. _Phil, Phil, Phil._ Checks the messages and there it is. It’s not comforting but at the same time it feels safe, at least is safer than checking in the mirror and seeing blue eyes and grey hair and a person he doesn’t quite recognize because they are blurred, because sometimes the name says more than the image. _A picture says more than a thousand words,_ they say, but it’s not true. 

Dan: _im buying coffee bub_

Pet names are comforting. Sometimes. The person Dan is talking about is dear to him. What he thinks about when he says it? Who he thinks about? The name or the image. Maybe he thinks about his blue eyes, about the spot on his cheek, about the arms that embraced him before he went outside.

Phil: _can i use ur spotify account for a bit?_

Dan _: not that me saying no has mattered to u before but ofc :P_

Phil _: thanks_

There's a very noticeable second of silence where Phil knows Dan knows. The silent communication makes him feel uncomfortable as if Dan is going to judge him and think that he is too much. 

As if Dan wouldn’t understand his thought process and just say something along the lines of _we have talked about this already, why won’t you get your shit together?_

Dan: _np._ _i love u phil_ <3

It starts raining and Phil shuffles one of Dan’s playlists. This one has a warthog and a shooting star emoji. There are songs that he doesn’t recognize but he knows he is there.

He checks Dan’s message again and the world around him gets on focus for a moment.

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this on a go and there's probably bit of grammatic offs and typos, soz
> 
> hope u enjoyed it! 
> 
> find me @ etceteraseverywhere on tumblr, i'll try to make a post to reblog there after i had my sleep


End file.
